YOUR SCREWED

It was a normal night at my household. My dog was sleeping by the fire as it burned out, and I was reading a good book...until a heard a knock on the door.
KNOCK KNOCK
The knock shook my bones.
KNOCK KNOCK
Even harder now!
KNOCK KNOCK
It was getting unbearable!
KNOCK KNOCK
I began to throw up and cry because I was so scared.
KNOCK KNOCK
I cowered in the corner of my house.
KNOCK...knock
The knocking finally had calmed down.
KA-BLAMMY!
My whole front door barged down, and their was a little miget waiting in the doorway.
"YOUR SCREWED, BITCH! AHAHHAHAHA" He cried with his little voice.
I screamed in horror and ran down the hallway. The ceiling of my house began caving in as I saw a skeleton walking down my hallway eating jello.
My lighting fixtures began turning into butterflies and the floors turned into chocolate.
My dog had turned into an...oh, wait, he's still a dog.
I ran to my computer and went on Creepypasta wiki and read the story to predict what would happen next...
Before I could continue reading, a bow and arrow plunged through my back. I saw Cupid flying in the doorway of my room. He began peeing all over my face and I barely managed to escape out of my room. Yanking the arrow out of my back was painful, but seeing my backyard was even more painful.
An army of Marios and Luigi's had invaded my backyard.
"THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!"
They all screamed at once. On that command, they began charging towards me. Being a 67th degree in black belt, I used a Rasengan to blast my way through the enemies.
Once I escaped my backyard, I was in the street. I saw Putt-Putt driving down the street with the stupid dog inside. I jumped into the car and drove down the street. I passed by Spongebob, who was slamming himself in the face with a hammer.
I suddenly pulled up in front of The Projects. The Huntsville rapist came running towards me, but I pulled out an RPG-7 and blasted his little face off. Continuing through the projects was scary. Once I came out of the Projects, I came across...
"LOST VIDEO STORE"
I walked inside and watched all the videos on the shelves, including Dead Bart, Squidwards Suicide and all the Happy Appy DVD's. After I was done I got a Plastic Bag and suffocated myself, until I woke up and realized I was dead, inside my grave. I lied back down and closed my eyes.
Soon I was woken up in Weenie Hut General.
"HUH? WEENIE HUT GENERAL?" I cried.
I saw the miget and Cupid all surrounding the operation table.
I'M SCREWED.
(TROLL PASTA BY YOUR ONE AND ONLY, TACO EXPRESS)